As debates online intensified, I was debating what to do next.

In August 2025, I closed Next Step Media Productions. I then navigated another five-step interview process, only to be passed over. To fill the time while waiting for a refinance, I picked up five contracts for the fall and winter months. But as September signaled cooler days ahead, I knew my porch roof wouldn’t survive the season if left as-is.

I created a teaser on September 1^st and began tearing down the structure. There wasn’t enough of an overhang. A crack in one of the roof panels caused leaking onto the patio when it rained. Each panel and stud removal was a reminder of having to start over again with each mistake. I ended the recording with the theme that sometimes things must be taken down so that better ones can be built.

I was uploading the video for editing, simultaneously listening to YouTube and scrolling on X, when the news of Charlie Kirk’s assassination appeared. One shot. One hit. One dead.

I found Megyn Kelly’s live coverage on YouTube. I saw multiple angles of his murder on X before they were removed or deleted. I had reposted Charlie only a few hours earlier. What had I just seen? It may have been my combat medic experience, the Holy Spirit, or both, but I sensed his spirit was gone the moment the bullet struck. The crowd scattered. Charlie’s team rushed him to their SUV for hospital transport. Grief was instant. Speculation, immediate.

A part of me was jealous. I wished I could have taken that bullet. His life was worth more than mine. I might have deserved to die, but Charlie did not. I knew in my spirit that I was learning something I hadn’t learned before. I didn’t have the words yet, only the sense that something in me had changed.

Shortly after, I told my wife what had happened and showed her the video. Part of me wishes I wouldn’t have. We cried and held each other close. We told our son. He didn’t know Charlie, but he could see the impact on our faces. I was a youth volunteer that evening. We prayed with the students. We prayed for those affected.

This led to my X repost of Charlie Kirk from February 26, 2013, which said, “Good men must die, but death can’t kill their names.” To the reactions unfolding, I added:

“I am sad. I am angry. I did not personally know @charliekirk11, but like many of you, trust that God has used Charlie to great affect. An American Patriot, but more importantly, a soldier for Christ. Prior to this happening, I have been thinking about choice and God’s Will.

James 1:2-4 – “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Charlie was not lacking. I praise God for the man Charlie chose to be. A shining example of a true American Christian. Courageous. Faithful. True.

~2000 years ago a man in his early thirties was murdered for speaking Truth. There was a local government and a national government. His death and resurrection changed both governments and religions that gave us the world we live in today. I do not see this as coincidence.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for your son, Jesus. Thank you for Charlie Kirk. Comfort the grieving. Bring justice to those that shed innocent blood. You turned the murderous Saul into the apostle Paul and can turn this murderer’s heart towards you as well.

Forgive my cowardice. Give us strength to share your message, which Charlie lived and died for. Help us to choose you in our grief and turn away from unrighteous anger. May your rod and staff comfort us. We celebrate your reunion with Charlie in heaven. Amen.

Thank you to those that have contributed to the tapestry of shared experiences with Charlie Kirk. I am encouraged, inspired, and have found renewed courage in Christ. The Future Looks Bright because of Charlie’s work and dedication with the student youth of the last 15 years.”

I reposted everyone: Glenn Beck, Candace Owens, Patrick Bet-David, Roseanne Barr, Dan Bongino, Alex Jones, Dennis Prager, Russell Brand, Ben Shapiro, among too many to list. Tom MacDonald wrote and recorded a Charlie tribute song within a day. Memorials were shared online from Korea, New Zealand, the United Kingdom, and others.

The number of people Charlie Kirk impacted was too high to count. The math of thirteen years on college campuses, live events and debates, and podcast views per episode is staggering. Yet those numbers don’t even account for his strategic influence — like linking RFK Jr. and Donald Trump, brokering a month of silence from Candace Owens regarding Brigitte Macron, or sponsoring JD Vance as the Vice-Presidential pick.

The divide between left and right was front and center. Those who claimed Charlie Kirk had harmful and nefarious viewpoints celebrated with song and dance, which revealed to me the death cult they subscribed to. Some critics would add the caveat, “I didn’t agree with him, but he shouldn’t have been killed.” On the other hand, some people who had never been to church proclaimed their future attendance for Charlie. Others would give their lives to Jesus Christ based on his witness and testimony.

I became more aware of my desire to have Christ lead me, and not like the Brandon Tatum shirt I had bought that said, “God’s Got Your Six.” I honestly prayed God would have me on all sides, but most importantly, that He would lead me. I couldn’t stop contracting, but I couldn’t keep living outside of my God-given purpose either. “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak,” I reminded myself. Perseverance is the price.

I had to cut out time-consuming conversations that did not lead to action and find something with physical impact to do. I amicably stopped meeting with my friend from the chamber. My VA authorization for therapy had expired, which I took as a sign it was time to stop that, too. No more monthly men’s breakfast at church. I stopped volunteering with the youth as my son’s attendance slowed due to illness that would concern us into October.

I needed work that was nearby and sustainable. I completed orientation to be a substitute teacher at local schools. In a bureaucratic twist, the state’s Health and Human Services department dropped my son’s Medicaid. I hadn’t submitted a paystub for the job I had not yet worked. I asked to be removed from the substitute roster as a result.

We refinanced debt, our son’s health steadily improved, and we were about to take what I would deem his last childhood family vacation to Legoland Florida. I thought, “He only has one childhood. The bill will come later.”

A two-week trip of memories and reconciliations felt like preparation. Charlie Kirk’s death had become a turning point for me, as I know it did for many others. The vacuum left by his absence could not be ignored.

The divide on the right intensified. Influencers used Charlie’s experience and content as centerpieces of debate for U.S. support of Israel. Speculation over the official story, arrest of the alleged leftist shooter, responses from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, and where Charlie stood in his support of Israel surfaced across platforms. Reactions from those within the inner circle of TPUSA began to crack, revealing the strain.

I didn’t realize it then, but this was not just a turning point. It was the beginning of a breaking point.

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